Tuesday, September 15, 2009
mmm.. actually i have a handful of things to blog abt, but when i'm really down to blogging, i realise i cant gather or organise my thoughts properly to weave everything up in a coherent manner.
perhaps precisely because too much has happened, all the stress and confusion has kinda interefered with my normal way of thinking.
the other day when Sand was talking about platonic friendship, it set me thinking. it really works out only when the two person understands the friendship they share. TT and i definitely have no issues with that, he thinks i'm a guy, and i take him for a gayshit, end of story. but i guess there may be some trouble btwn me and X(his name for the time being). i hope i'm being over-sensitive, but sometimes the care and concern, and the things he do, always making himself available around me really makes me feel perhaps some things have alrdy crossed the line without me realising it. even rae felt the same when she knew what happened. my hands are alrdy tied at the moment dealing with my life and the commitment baggages that i carry, i shudnt be bothering myself with things like that anymore. or rather i cant, i'm too tired. i guess i can only take a step at a time.
in the past, i'm always thinking, why there's not as many people jioing me as my other girl frens. ok tts something lame to be thinking of, but i was young and confused back then. now i know, its because i did not even give people a chance to get near me. i'm always running away, alfred and Shah's case were the classic examples. fancy me quitting a job over some guys, that was a childish way of handling. rae was right, its not my fault or their's if they were to like me, its also natural for a girl to feel scared when guys show affection for her. i mean who know what their intentions are or whether they are perverts not, its only reasonable to be careful. i guess, i was too careful till i practically lock myself away from them. but still, i'll stick to my own principle, the one who truly loves me, who truly is the one, will eventually be able to find his way to my heart. i just hafta wait. but the wait is gg to be long, cos as i said, i have commitments on hand to be settled first.
drove little auntie's car yesterday, she now knows how zai my driving is, and how vulgar i am when i'm at it lols. she tinks i drive like a devil and a hooligan. devil in the sense i drive fast, weaving in and out, and hooligan when i'm cursing and horning people at least 5 times yesterday in a span of 2 hours on the road. the only lucky thing was i did not point middle finger. damn shiok, haven driven ever since LY's 21st bday party, or rather since my dad "died" last year. dun bother asking me what happened, story is too long for me to explain, and i may not be telling the truth either =)
ok, got to go and sleep, morning lesson tmr. nites dear world.
♥ Yuki & Kaname ♥