Tuesday, February 12, 2008
new year is becoming something routine to me. no more excitements. cant feel any of the new year atmosphere anymore as compared to my younger days. perhaps bcos now i've the ability to earn more than the hongbao money i get every year, such that the joy of receiving hongbaos has significantly diminished.
as usual, bought new clothes, looked pretty. nothin new.
i reckon when one has reached the threshold of his/her good luck, bad luck will start coming in fast and continuously in the following days. life can never be a bed of roses. when everything seemed perfect and gg according to ur hearts desire, things will start falling apart thereafter. tts wat i'm gg thru now. i guess tts part and parcel of life, and i'm learning to handle it.
nothing seemed to be gg my way. i'm trying to stay as optimistic as i can. i dunno how long more can i endure before losing my sanity. tests and projects piling up. external and extra problems driving me mad. realised i dun have much savings to cover me if "rainy days" were to come. still recovering from my pain.
i have a simple wish, i just want to be happy.
wanting to be happy may be a simple wish, but achieving it may be the toughest goal one can ever have.
its a contradiction arent it? if it was last year, being able to spend vday wit this particular person wud be my greatest wish. but now... i dun feel a thing. perhaps i've been cursed. cursed that i can never spend vday with the one i love most, whoever he may be. *given the fact i keep changing the guys i like =p* i'm not someone who cant live being single, its just tt on such special days, i will yearn to have someone by my side. but honestly, if u find the right one, everyday feels like vday.
i noe this post is getting real long winded. but i cant bottle any of my thoughts up anymore. they're driving me mad. gotta have an avenue for me to deposit my unhappiness.
sometimes i really wonder is growing up something good? as we grow, the more we know, the more we feel helpless and vulnerable to situations around us. at times, i really wish i can slip into a deep slumber and only to wake up when everything has been resolved.
dreams are a blessing. because in dreams, even the most impossible can be achieved. we can have watever we want, as opposed to reality. in dreams we are gods, but in reality, at times we really feel like we're dogs or worse.
really thankful to yilin for being there to listen to me. and dragging me out of my shell when i decided to hide in my shell and be alone, be oblivious to everything, giving up on everything.
the day is the darkest and coldest before dawn breaks. but no matter how long this darkness and coldness persists, as long as i dun die from it, i will eventually live to see the beautiful sunrise.
i noe... i will live to see the sun.
♥ Yuki & Kaname ♥