Friday, April 06, 2007
been feelin extremely depressed for the the last 3 weeks, eva since the end of accounting test. can someone gimme a reason?? i dunno... i'm so lost. sick and tired of being so sick and tired. as most pple who noes me noe, when i'm down with depression, i cant help but feel slpy all the time. slept for 13hours yesterday =Sthings are gettin outta hand, thing are gg awry... things are gg everywhere but just not gg my way =(i cudnt take it anymore yest, called juting up to talk. talked for 3 and 1/2 hours on the phone, till 2am in the morning. thank god juting is around to listen to me, i hate to think of how i'm gg to survive when he goes into NS, which is pretty soon =( he really understands me and vice versa, and we often call each other up when we're unhappy or need someone to tok to. sometimes i wonder, mebbe i feel something for him, i just dun realise it.. yet. there's nth we dun tok abt to each other. damnit, i cant imagine if..... nvm, i'm crazeeeeeee. YES - all the pressure and stress is getting into my head, brain is gg haywired. well, he claims he is my pysciatrist and i shud pay him consultation fees. he's a lame ass, ok tt cheered me up a lil. i hate to admit it, but when i hang up on him after our conversation ended, i felt cold and lonely again. it all feels like a nightmare tt i can neva wake up from. i dun ask for much, i just wish to be able to lead my life peacefully and happily. -I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY- i dun wanna go on feeling so depressed, dun wanna feel so outta place anymore. most importantly, i dun wanna relive the nightmare 3 years back. the nightmare 3 years back nearly broke me. lucky laura was with me, walked with me thru one of the toughest period of my life. w/o her, guess i'll have no mood to study, and wud have been retained in year1. now i can only cross my fingers and hope its all the fault of hypersensitivity. but if things dun turn out the way i want it to be, guess the only way out is to face the music. if its my fault, i am willing to apologise and change for the better, see if i can make any changes or amends to the situation. other than all these, wat can i do??? unless ur able to tell me what is wrong, i will be very greatful if anyone can do tt. guess now... the wisest move is to prevent further damage from being inflicted.
♥ Yuki & Kaname ♥